Complications
When had life become so complicated? I shoved the letter from Jennifer into my secret hiding place moments before my wife entered the boathouse.
I had heard her coming down the path from the house so I was prepared for her entrance. I grabbed the fishing pole from the corner and started to fiddle with it. I didn’t turn around right away as I had to make sure that no edge of the pink envelope was visible. Seeing nothing I turned around and faced Donna.
“How long have you been home Roger?”
“Uh, hi Donna. About 5 or 10 minutes I think.”
“Was there any mail today? I’m expecting a letter from Jennifer.”
“I didn’t really look at the mail. It’s still in the car on the seat.”
Seriously, when had life become so complicated? My hands continued to fiddle with the fishing rod and I found myself wishing I was anywhere, but here. My thoughts were on Jennifer and the contents of the letter and not really on what my wife was saying.
“Are you alright Roger?”
“Uh yeah sure, why wouldn’t I be alright?”
“You don’t appear to be listening to me. I asked you when Jennifer had said she would be over to visit next.”
“Sorry I don’t remember.” I put the rod down and started for the door hoping that Donna would follow me.
We both headed back to the house and I retrieved the mail from the car. Donna grabbed it from my hands and quickly sorted through it.
“I don’t see anything from Jennifer.”
“Well you know she has been busy with her new job and trying to find some place to live. I’m sure she will send something soon.”
Somewhat appeased Donna headed into the house. I grabbed the dog’s leash from the car and headed out to walk him. I would have privacy for the call I needed to make.
“Jennifer, what’s the meaning of that letter?”
“Well hello to you too Roger.”
“Cut the small talk Jennifer and answer me.”
“I thought it was pretty self-explanatory.”
“What if Donna had opened that?”
“I know you get the mail everyday from that post office box. I didn’t mail it to the house did I?”
“Jennifer you know I’m not going to leave my wife for you. We’ve talked about this before.”
“Yes you told me what you wouldn’t do, but you never paid much attention to what I thought.”
“I thought it was all decided.” I was trying not to panic. When did I lose control of this situation?
“Roger are you paying attention to what I’m saying?”
I tried to force my thoughts back to the situation at hand. I had to put her off somehow! Stupid idea to get involved with sisters!
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Tessa
Very interesting twist. I don’t know if you got the man’s perspective right or not, but I got caught up in it pretty quickly.
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Thank you Dawn! I am glad you liked it! Not being a man makes it hard to think like some of them do. I don’t want to lump all men in one category. 🙂 Thank you for stopping by and reading.
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Good idea to write a story about a longhand letter in longhand —to give yourself that tactile sensation. Wish I’d thought of that. Good story —and intriguing, too.
Stop by to read my “longhand” (albeit typed on my computer) story:
http://proartz.blogspot.com/2012/07/expecting-worst-fiction.html
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Thank you CJ! I am glad you enjoyed my story. I thought it was pretty funny that I ended up writing that one in longhand myself. I stopped by to read yours. Good job on your use of the prompt! That is what I do, assume the worse. 🙂
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Yep, dumb idea, indeed. Cheating is bad enough, but with her sister? I think Paul Farraday needs to take care of Roger and Jennifer 🙂
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LOL Janna! Paul Farraday — what a great idea. Thank you for stopping by and reading.
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You did the man’s POV quite well! And I like your take on “the letter.”
I think there are a few places where a well-placed comma could be used, but that’s the only concrit I have!
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Thank you AmyBeth! Yes I was having a problem with the commas. Thank you for stopping by and reading.
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I am getting better with my commas, I always put in too many. A good story, Infidelity can be a highly charged subject. I heard some of the panic that was building.
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Thank you Katie! I used to know where commas should go. I used to know a lot of things for that matter LOL! Now if I can’t decide immediately if it should have one I tend to leave them out because I was getting carried away with the commas myself. 🙂 Thank you for stopping by and reading.
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oooh juicy. this is my first time here so i’m not familiar with these characters (if they’ve been used before)… i’m curious as to how the wife and Jennifer know one another so well, yet Roger’s cheating on the wife with Jennifer.
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Hello Christina, these characters have not been used before. The wife and Jennifer know each other so well because, well here’s the last paragraph —- I tried to force my thoughts back to the situation at hand. I had to put her off somehow! Stupid idea to get involved with sisters! —- I might expand this story, not sure. Thank you for stopping by and reading.
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Silly man…never get involved with Sisters…especially if they are still friendly.
Nice little tale.
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Thank you Carrie! I thought it was funny watching him go from “my life is complicated” to “when did I lose control?” Thank you for stopping by and reading.
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Wow, nice ending. You captured his guilt pretty well with his actions.
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Thank you Patricia! I like the surprise endings. I think twists in the plot keep it fascinating. Hence the mistress ended up his wife’s sister in the end. Thank you for stopping by and reading!
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Ha! Sisters… Oh what a tangled web we weave… Nicely played!
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Thank you Shelton! This originally started out as just a mistress, but as I wrote my evil side took over and decided sisters would be more interesting. Thank you for stopping by and reading.
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I liked it – ooh, bad sister, and bad hubby thinking that sisters would ever be a good idea! It definitely explains the mistress writing a letter to the wife! My only concrit would be that the talk seemed a bit stilted without the use of abbreviated words people use naturally in conversation. for instance: Jennifer you know I am not going to leave my wife for you. We have talked about this before –> Jennifer, you know I’m not going to leave my wife for you. We’ve talked about this before.
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Thank you Lexy! I agree with you on the abbreviated words. The weird thing is that I actually write letters, etc. that way with the words spelled out rather than abbreviated. Trying to think if I actually speak that way. LOL! Thank you for pointing that out. I will have to keep that in mind as something to watch for. 🙂 I just edited the piece and fixed the ones that I found. I actually had a mix of written out and abbreviated words. Thank you for stopping by and reading.
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Stupid, indeed!
I’ll echo lexy with the concrit–part of the awkwardness is also in the punctuation; there are some missing commas that would help us “breathe” with the character. But you’ve envisioned the scene very well–all the details spot on. These are just tweaks!
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Thank you Kathleen. Commas are one of my trials and tribulations LOL! Thank you for stopping by and reading!
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Ooooh! Chickens coming home to roost! That’s never fun for men. I was a little confused in some parts of the dialogue, but a reread got me through it. This might be the beginning of a good murder mystery!
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Thank you Tina! Sorry it was confusing. I have been thinking the same thing with the murder mystery theme. I seem to be following that theme lately. I just finished a short story in 8 parts “Evil Lurks Within Us” and that had so many twists and turns. I just might flesh that out more and now I have this one I could work on as well. Thank you for stopping by and reading!
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Tricky plot twist at the end. Some men just don’t think things through..;-)
As for concrit, my thoughts were already brought up. Nice take on the prompt.
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Thank you Renee! Nope men tend to not think things through. 🙂 I love plot twists. Thank you for stopping by and reading.
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What a fantastic twist at the end!! I really liked this.
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Thank you Sam. I am glad you liked it. I love plot twists. Thank you for stopping by and reading.
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Fantastic set up – really well done!
Wondering if you intend this to be suspense, horror or comedy. (From the setup above, it could go in any direction.)
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Thank you! When I initially wrote this it was a stand alone piece and hadn’t thought about any particular genre. If it goes further, it would probably not be comedy, but it could go either of the other ways. Thank you for stopping by and reading.
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Ooh, very interesting twist on this one! Sisters! I kinda thought it was going to be about an affair but the sisters twist was good 🙂 Very interesting! Good job!
Megan
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Thank you Megan! I love plot twists and suspense. Thank you for stopping by and reading!
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Ooh. That’s messy. It’d be interesting to see where this goes from here…
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Thank you! I am not sure where this is going yet, but I am working on it for the next prompt I hope.
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I cant wait to read more… Very good..
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Thank you for stopping by and I am glad that you liked it!
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Wow, I have a blog too but I can’t write as well as you do. Good stuff.
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Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it!
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