Complications – Part 7 (the conclusion)

Complications – Part 7

I stare up into Donna’s face as she hovers over me. She’s covered in blood and screaming at how she’s going to kill me. Two guys are holding her back.

The knife in her hand is dripping blood down her arm and onto me. “Donna, please, I’m sorry! I will never do it again! I promise!

I hear the cop cars pull up.

“You better believe you will never do it again, you’re dead!”

“Donna, you’ll go to jail for murder!”

Whatever!” She brings the knife down directly into my heart and the world turns black!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

100-Word-Challenge-150x150

Velvet Verbosity challenges us to write 100 words using the word “whatever.”

To see the rest of this story, please click here or click on “Fiction – Short Stories” on the right side of page.

Tessa

About Tessa

My name is Tessa Dean and I am an author and blogger. My writing styles vary and I love writing using prompts. I am also writing my first book, a Memoir entitled "Government Property - A Memoir of a Military Wife".  This is being published on the blog rather than the traditional way. I am putting up chapters as I go along. I keep my blog filled with useful content, stories, and poems. Plenty to keep you busy. I have also been interviewed by blogs and had other posts published on many different blogs. I also wrote a series of articles on Bipolar Disorder for IBPF (International Bipolar Foundation). I am in my 60’s and disabled which allows me plenty of time to write to my heart’s content. I live in southern New Jersey and have 3 children and 5 grandchildren. My oldest grandchild is a Sargent in the United States Marine Corps.
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12 Responses to Complications – Part 7 (the conclusion)

  1. Guess you don’t mess with Donna!

    I’m thinking in that first paragraph you could think about how to really show this scene rather than tell it. It’s clearly a horrific scene, but I don’t feel the narrator’s emotions enough. Bringing that in would take this up quite a few notches! 🙂

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    • Tessa says:

      No you don’t mess with Donna, she already took her sister out when she finally realized the final betrayal. The original part was much longer and there were more emotions, but cutting it down to 100 words made me cut out a lot of the better parts so the story sort of made sense on its own. Hence the emotions had to go, but I do agree with you. Thank you for stopping by and for the concrit. 🙂

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  2. misterlou says:

    I agree with Velvet – but as one reads this – and takes in the title – one has to understand there is a larger story at work, here. Well done, you. And go back and write the longer version. It will be worth the exercise.

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    • Tessa says:

      Thank you! This is part 7 and most of the parts were written for either Velvet’s prompts or the Friday Fictioneers so they are all small snippets aiming to tell a story in 100 words. Really hard to do. I have all of my serialized stories in their own documents with all the parts and when the spirit moves me I intend to expand them into longer, fuller versions. Thank you for stopping by and the concrit.

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  3. Tara R. says:

    You definitely don’t want to make Donna mad. A very intense scene.

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  4. deanabo says:

    Well then, Guess she learned her lesson. Great story!

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  5. jannatwrites says:

    Ah, he finally made a promise he could keep: not cheating on her again. Bet he couldn’t have done it without Donna’s help! (I imagine cheating is more difficult when dead, but I wouldn’t know for certain :))

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