Helpless – prompt by the Daily Post


Helplessness: that dull, sick feeling of not being the one at the reins. When did you last feel like that –- and what did you do about it?


I believe that feeling was almost 3 years ago now. I stupidly tried to commit suicide and found myself committed for 9 days. Your life is no longer your life. You do what they say and when they say to do it. Cooperate and they usually leave you alone for the most part. I was terrified and couldn’t sleep after the first day and that med wore off for sleepiness. I was awake all night waving at the tech who did 15 minute bed checks and really expected anyone to sleep. He yelled at me once because I was sitting on the bed and not lying down. I told him I can’t sleep. He could see that since I waved at him every bed check. They wouldn’t give me what would calm me down and help me sleep. They gave me benadryl with a little boost to hopefully put me to sleep. Laugh, joke, not funny.

I eventually learned to tell them what they wanted to hear so they let me out of the hospital and into a partial hospitalization program for 3 full weeks of daytime therapy. My psych meds didn’t work either and now I take something else.

About Tessa

Teresa (Tessa) Smeigh at 60 plus is still going strong despite her disabilities affecting both physical and mental abilities. She has bipolar disorder (mental), Fibromyalgia (nerves), degenerative disc disease (spine), and arthritis (joints). Her new journey's include Diabetes controlled by insulin. She is also working on 2 fiction books (mysteries). The books will probably never be finished. She keeps her blog filled with useful content, occasional devotionals (She is a Christian), stories and poems. Plenty to keep you busy. She has also been interviewed by blogs and had other posts published on many different blogs. She is from Southern, NJ. Her family and blog keep her busy.
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