Helpless – prompt by the Daily Post


Helplessness: that dull, sick feeling of not being the one at the reins. When did you last feel like that –- and what did you do about it?


I believe that feeling was almost 3 years ago now. I stupidly tried to commit suicide and found myself committed for 9 days. Your life is no longer your life. You do what they say and when they say to do it. Cooperate and they usually leave you alone for the most part. I was terrified and couldn’t sleep after the first day and that med wore off for sleepiness. I was awake all night waving at the tech who did 15 minute bed checks and really expected anyone to sleep. He yelled at me once because I was sitting on the bed and not lying down. I told him I can’t sleep. He could see that since I waved at him every bed check. They wouldn’t give me what would calm me down and help me sleep. They gave me benadryl with a little boost to hopefully put me to sleep. Laugh, joke, not funny.

I eventually learned to tell them what they wanted to hear so they let me out of the hospital and into a partial hospitalization program for 3 full weeks of daytime therapy. My psych meds didn’t work either and now I take something else.

About Tessa

My name is Tessa Dean and I am an author and blogger. My writing styles vary and I love writing using prompts. I am also writing my first book, a Memoir entitled "Government Property - A Memoir of a Military Wife".  This is being published on the blog rather than the traditional way. I am putting up chapters as I go along. I keep my blog filled with useful content, stories, and poems. Plenty to keep you busy. I have also been interviewed by blogs and had other posts published on many different blogs. I also wrote a series of articles on Bipolar Disorder for IBPF (International Bipolar Foundation). I am in my 60’s and disabled which allows me plenty of time to write to my heart’s content. I live in southern New Jersey and have 3 children and 5 grandchildren. My oldest grandchild is a Sargent in the United States Marine Corps.
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